High Finance

Every once in a while John likes to have a discussion about our financial future.  The latest one went something like this....

John:  "Do you ever wonder what would happen if one of us died?"

Me:  "Oh, sure.  But mainly you."

John:  "I'm serious."

Me:  "So am I."

John:  "If you died, the childcare aspect would be the biggest struggle."

Me:  "Not to mention your dry cleaning.  That shit isn't going to walk itself home."

John:  "I'm being serious.  If I died, my life insurance would keep you going for several years until you got your feet on the ground and found a job."

Me:  "I haven't worked in 12 years.  What kind of job could I find?  What I need is a payout that will set me up for the next 30 years, not just "several".  And not some city government you-got-hit-by-a-bus payout.  I'm talking private industry payout.  Like UPS.  You know why you never hear about someone getting killed by a UPS truck?  It's because they swoop in and throw a whole bunch of money at you.  But the really big payouts are the airline crashes.  And you fly a lot so that's working in our favor.  It's calculated on 'seconds of terror' or something.  You could put up with 15-16 seconds of terror, right?  It's for the kids."

John:  <blink>  <blink>

John:  "I'm sure your mom would come and help."

Me: "She doesn't have any money."

John:  <silence>

John:  "Or...we....could raise my life insurance....some more.  That could hold you for a few more years."

Me:  "Sure, cause folks are lining up to hire unemployed women in their fifties.  But I could find a way to quietly kill you.  There are all kinds of poisons that dissipate right after death.  I've probably got a few in the herb garden without even knowing it.  There'd be rumor and suspicion but they'd never be able to prove anything."

John:   <stare>

Me:  "What?!?  I read a lot of crime fiction.  Agatha Christie's always poisoning someon....."

Me:  "Where are you going??"