So it's the last week of school and the boys' science class is finishing off the year with the unit on...well, whatever they're calling sex ed these day. I'm not complaining or anything. In fact, it's their only class that is still teaching. In history, english and math they've been watching movies. Yesterday they watched old Twilight Zone episodes. You'd think they could at least show Apollo 13 or Selma and pretend that it's educational. But anyway....
They covered this at the end of 5th grade too and we were able to go to the school one day and preview the movie that was to be shown. There were around 12 moms and 2 dads that, I assumed, were forced to go by their wives. I sat next to a friend and made snide remarks through the whole thing. All I really remember about the movie was that it was made with a nod to the various forms of nuclear families that exist today. You can talk to your mom or your stepmother or your teacher or your friend's mom or your really creepy uncle. I took issue with the last one. In fact I didn't think you should be left alone in the same room with your really creepy uncle but that's just me.
This time around we were sent a link via email. I talked John into watching it with me so we could make fun of it. I only lasted for the first 5 minutes. It was really boring; all about DNA and shit like that. It may have gotten better but I turned on Penny Dreadful instead. I'm sure if we'd watched the entire video, it would have covered all the usual puberty and hormones crap. And then, after having completely lost my shit, two nights in a row, over...I don't know what, something stupid....it occurred to me that these movies need to include a lesson or two on Menopause.
Gone are the days when children were tucked up safely in their dorm rooms while mothers slowly lost their minds at home. Kids didn't need to learn about menopause then because they didn't have to live through it. Now our kids' hormones are turning on, while our hormones are turning off. It's a deadly combination. A quick overview during the last two minutes of the video couldn't hurt. As it stands now, the boys only getting advice from John. Don't get me wrong, it's good solid advice. "Both of you stop talking and scoot over here. Give her some room." This, incidentally, is the same advice you receive from the park rangers at Yellowstone in case you accidentally stumbled across a bear. "Don't make eye contact. Stay quiet. No sudden movements. Back. Away. Slowly." You'd think the schools could at least print up a small brochure with Do's and Doesn't. You know, like the park rangers do. Or we could just use their brochures. Check this out
Pay Attention to Your Surroundings:
You don’t want to be surprised by a bear. Since you’ll have more time to react—without panicking—if you’re able to see a bear approaching from a distance, look for locations that are open and provide you with a good range of vision. And while you may find yourself enjoying the peace and quiet, don’t let it dull your senses. Keep an eye out for bears. Maybe you’ll be lucky and spot one—from a safe distance.
Keep Food Well Protected:
Since you and the bears have a similar appetite, you don’t want to leave your food out where its scent might attract a bear. A bear-proof container should be on your packing list. Besides, you’ll need a place to store your lunch while you’re catching your dinner.
Let Bears Have Their Space:
It’s best not to test the theory that a bear is more afraid of you than you are of it. If a bear decides to pay you a visit by wandering into your area, let it have its space. If it’s happy at a distance, just keep an eye on it. If it seems to want to come closer, it might be best to pack your things, back away and let the bear do its thing.
Clean Up After Yourself:
Bad bear encounters can put a serious damper your trip, but remember that you’re a guest on the bears’ land. Be on alert, remember to practice good habits to avoid attracting bears, enjoy them if you see them at a distance, and don’t panic—give yourself a story to tell when you get home.
You could easily cross out 'bear' and replace it with 'your mother'. We could even make laminated cards for our husbands to keep in their wallets. Whose with me?
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