Remember this was the plan:
Return Route:
St. Johns Newfoundland --> Ottawa --> Boston (via Air Canada)
Boston --> L.A. --> Oakland (via Delta)
(The carriers will become important later on.)
Thursday:
Before we left St. Johns, John received a text that our flight from Ottawa to Boston had been cancelled but it didn't include the flight we had been rerouted on so he went up to the gate agent.
This, class, is the difference between socialism and capitalism. Canada has one major airlines and they're the only game in town.
So John walks up to the gate agent and has the following conversation. I'm paraphrasing but this was the gist.
John, "My flight from Ottawa to Boston was cancelled."
Agent, "Uh huh."
John, "We need to get on another flight."
Agent, "Uh huh."
John, "Can you use the computer that you are standing in front of and get us on another flight."
Agent, "No."
John, "It is a real computer not one of those fake IKEA ones, right?"
Agent, "Yes."
John, "And you have the training and authority to use it, right?"
Agent, "Yes."
John, "But you won't?"
Agent. "Right. You'll have to find someone in Ottawa to do it."
John, "But you could if you weren't a jackass?
Agent, "Oh, sure. Now please fuck off."
Flight to Ottawa is delayed which really doesn't matter because we don't have a connection. In Ottawa, they put us on a 10:00 am flight to Toronto and put us up in a nice hotel downtown. John gets a rental car on points and we regroup.
Friday:
The next morning, we are showered, refreshed and ready to face another day. As we are about to leave the room, our flight is cancelled. Now we are on a 5:00 pm flight to Toronto and have a day to kill in Ottawa, luckily we have aforementioned rental car. We get to the airport and our flight to Toronto is cancelled. We are now on a later flight to Montreal. Note at this point in time we could have driven to Boston. And, we are no longer looking at spending a day in Boston, we are just hoping to make our connection out on Saturday. We eventually boarded the plane, the door closed and we pushed back only to have the pilot tell us that we'll be waiting on the tarmac for around an hour due to thunderstorms in Montreal. They were opening and closing the air space, like when you'd lock the car door just as your sister went to open it and then unlock so she thought she could get in but at the last minute you lock it again because it is just so damn funny. That was air traffic control in Montreal.
Since the flight to Montreal was delayed, we ended up running the entire length of the airport to catch our connection to Boston. Side note, when flying from Canada to the US, you clear customs in the Canadian airport and are considered to be in the US after that point. So we cleared customs, got to the gate and the flight was cancelled. Here is how we learned this bit of information and it is my very favorite part of the trip:
Gate Agent, who had been making unpleasant announcements to angry passengers all day, got on the p.a. system and said this and I kid you not, "Madams and Messrs, Air Canada Flight......shit" followed by silence. And the sound of laughter was once again heard in the Montreal-Trudeau International Airport.
Me,"Isn't she required to make all announcements in English and French? Where's the Merde?"
We didn't get a 'merde' because she left for a shift change and who could blame her.
Now we needed to go back through customs to 'enter' Canada.
Custom's Agent, "you been here 10 days."
John, "no, we just got here."
Agent,"But you've been in Canada for 10 days"
John, "yes, we were originally here for 10 days. We just left but our flight was cancelled so now we are back."
Agent, "What is the purpose of your trip?"
John, "jesus h christ"
Down to baggage claim. So here something interesting. Typically when claiming bags, you have arrived at your destination, i.e. Boston, and your bags are marked Boston. In this case you are not in Boston but your bags are marked Boston, and some of the carousals are marked with arriving flights and others are marked with fantasy destinations and the only way to feel like you are most likely in the right place is by following the guy in the green sweater that you know was on your flight. When you lose track of him, you look for the two dutch guys with the blond girl. They were definitely on our flight, right? And you don't totally and fully lose your shit until you're told that you will not be able to get your bags so you'll have to come back in the morning for them. Unfortunately there is already a line of passengers waiting to take a piece out of that Air Canada employee so you have to make due with swearing loudly.
So we were in stuck in Montreal but we were in good company because along with our flight all other flights to the eastern seaboard were cancelled. John spent around 30 minutes on the phone with Air Canada before saying 'fuck it' and called Delta. There was no way to make our Boston flight so we had to scrap that. Delta got us on a flight to Minneapolis on Sunday morning. That meant two nights, well one and a half because this night was almost over, in Montreal. John managed to get us one of the last hotel rooms in Montreal but every single rental car in the province was booked and heading to the border. Fine, the hotel had a shuttle so off we went.
And yet another interesting fact about the Montreal-Trudeau International Airport, the shuttle pick up is on the same level as the departures drop-off so people are trying to enter the airport at the same place that tired and angry people are trying to exit it. Furthermore all the signage is angled towards the people entering the airport so once you're outside you can't tell where the hell you're supposed to be. This was made clear the next day when we arrived back at the airport. "Oh, look, there's the sign for the shuttle pick-up." That seemed like a flaw in the system but what do I know.
Saturday:
Our last night in Canada was spent at the Marriott located At The Airport. The one attached to the airport and 100 yards from the ticket counters. Why? Because as my friend Suzanne says, "At a certain age, when a problem crops up, you just throw money at it." And we did. We got a big ass room, with room service and a view of all the planes flying away home. 'One day, boys, that will be us. Just work hard and keep dreaming.'
So by now, clean clothes were a thing of the past and the boys' suitcases smelt of feet. Sam's suitcase took things one step further and decided to blow out the zipper. We ended up taking the bus into the city and buying a new suitcase, clean t-shirts, and socks for Sam because he somehow managed to pack for a 10 day trip with only one pair of socks.
Sunday:
We made it to the United States and I want to make it absolutely clear that NO ONE is pouring over our borders.
On the second leg of the flight, I used one of our drink vouchers for a white wine.
John, "Are you drinking wine?"
Me, "Yes."
John, "It's 10:30 in the morning."
Me, "No it's not. It's hour 76 1/2 of our return flight."
John, "Cheers"
Original flight plan:
St. Johns --> Ottawa --> Boston --> L.A. --> Oakland
Actual flight plan:
St. Johns --> Ottawa -->
And it only took 80 hours. Give or take.
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