So I came rushing home from the gym this morning to take the boys to camp. When I walked in the door, the boys were dressed but not ready to go, naturally. So I'm trying to hurry them along and Sam is following me around, hemming and hawing like he does when he has something to say but doesn't want to say it for whatever reason. Finally I stopped and said, "Sam, spit it out!"
Sam, "ahhhh, it's Alice...."
Me, "Did she poop on the floor again?!"
Hearing her name, Alice came trotting over.
Sam, "uhhhh, no......uhhh.....she was.....<whispers>humping a pillow"
Me, <looking down at Alice> "That's nasty. Now come on, we gotta go."
Alice <wagging tail>
Same, "No, Mom, she was..." and then he starts demonstrating for me.
Me, <trying desperately not to roll my eyes> "Yes, Sam, I know what humping is. Thank you."
It was like that scene in Parenthood, where Keanu Reeves is explaining Joaquin Phoenix's problem to Dianne Wiest.
Keanu, "See, he had his first boner..." Then he stops and says, "Do you know what a boner is?"
And Dianne deadpans, "If memory serves."
Here my life is imitating a Keanu Reeves movie and I'm Dianne Wiest. That's just sad.
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