So the boys and I got loaded up in the car to drive to school and, low and behold, one of the doors didn't get closed completely last night and the car battery was dead. I haven't had a dead battery in decades, literally, and it kind of took me by surprise how things have changed.
For one, remember that telltale <click> you used to get when your battery was dead? You'd turn the key, hear the <click> and think <shit>. It doesn't click anymore. I got in, pushed the button and heard <wrrrr> <What the hell's that?> . I pushed the button again and again it went <wrrrr> <Oh, the battery must be dead>. And my next thought was <I didn't think a dome light could kill a battery anymore. With all the technical advancements in my car, how is that still possible?> Followed quickly by <Does anyone even own jumper cables anymore?>
So I called John, who was out of town, to make sure we had roadside assistance, then called the phone number on the back of my insurance card and arranged to have someone come out and jump my car. "How would you like to be informed of his arrival time? Phone call, text or email?" "text, please" Then I called to see which friend was answering their phone at 7:44 am and could drop my kids at school. I did all of this without leaving the comfort of the drivers seat. Technology is awesome. In the meantime, John had sent me a text asking if I wanted him to arrange an Uber to take the boys to school. I had completely forgotten about that option and I still hadn't gotten out of the car. What a glorious time to be alive.
Here was the fun part, "Okay, guys, out of the car, we're going to roll in out of the garage and into the driveway." (This, by the way, is unnecessary because they have these little hand held battery/jumper cable things. It was really cute and now I want one.) Anyway, the boys get out of the car and I tried to put the car in Neutral. Which you can't do anymore. Damn safety features. Yet the dome light can still kill the battery. Interesting. So I was sitting there, staring at the gear shift, looking for the magic button that was going to let me put the car in neutral because damn if I was going to read the Owner's Manual. I'm a Dawson and Dawson's don't read instructions. (this made for interesting conversations when John and I first started playing board games together. "That's not in the rules. Where are the instructions?" "Instructions are for pussies.")
I found the magic button, put the car in neutral and told the boys to give her a push, completely forgetting that they have grown up in the 2000's with visions of the cars careening down driveways, flying through traffic and bursting into flames. They pushed the car and Tom yelled "LOOOOOOOK OOOOUUUUUT" at the top of his lungs; both completely unaware that the brakes still worked even though the battery was dead. I can't describe their faces as they watched the car slowly roll 15 feet and then stop. "Sorry, guys. I realize we haven't prepared you for this but you were going to find out sooner or later. A car will never burst into flames in real life. I know it's a letdown. Why don't you sit down til Miss Deb gets here." Poor kids. Broke my heart.
The boys were picked up a few minutes later and I sat in the driveway waiting for the tow truck; eyes closed, listening to the birds sing and the rain drip off the trees. Best morning in months. I may do this more often.
(Oh, it wasn't a tow truck. It was a nice old man in a hatchback. He was probably retired and now drives around the suburbs helping folks with their car problems. What a great gig.)
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