I hate squirrels

So I was driving to the gym this morning and I had to make a tricky right turn between two cyclists. You know how that goes when you're playing a game of Politeness Chicken (thank you, Louis C.K.) You go, no you go, wait, who's going, okay, you go. It took a while but once around the corner I had to stop again to wait for a squirrel to decide which side of the street he was going to dart towards.

This made me think about an animal rescue show that we watched awhile ago.  It took place in the south somewhere, Kentucky? I don't remember.  One episode featured a group that rehabilitated the animals in their homes and yes that did mean that the injured and/or wounded animals were being treated on the kitchen counter right next to food. People food.  "Are they going to eat that?"  "Shh" "Seriously, you can't eat that" "Shhh"  Anyway, they were helping some cool animals like beavers and deer, the occasional fox. But in every one of these homes there were squirrels, and not just one or two.  I think six must be the smallest lot size for squirrels.  Apparently they get blow from their nests during storms which is unfortunate but then again, aren't storms the only predators the squirrels have?  Storms and Goodyears. Michelins. (sorry, Jane) After the fourth or fifth house with a plastic bin full of squirrels, I started thinking "Are we running out of squirrels? As a country, do we have a squirrel shortage? 'Cause I've got a tree full of them. If Kentucky is running low, I could send them some of ours." When I voiced those thoughts, I was shamed into silence. Okay. I guess it's just me and the dogs that don't really care for squirrels. After a few episodes Sam was getting really excited about helping animals. John jumped on this enthusiasm and found a volunteer program with the local animal shelter. We had Sam signed up and six weeks paid for in under 10 minutes.  You've got to strike while the iron is hot, especially with Sam who is apt to reach for an ipad and decide to never stand up again.  It was after marking the calendar and printing off the receipt that I realized we had just paid for Sam to be a volunteer because we live in a stupid place. And all of this was going through my head as I was waiting for that stupid squirrel to get out of the road and what is a squirrel anyway but a rat with a pretty tail and here I am playing Politeness Chicken with a tarted-up rat so I said 'fuck it' and drove on.  9:15 in the morning and I'm mentally exhausted. God, I hate squirrels.