John and I took a breastfeeding class before the boys were born. (The boys were born in Seattle which is full of Breast Nazis. Oh, no, you can't say a word or even look sideways at someone breastfeeding in public but as soon as they take out a bottle, watch out. You can say whatever the fuck you want. Anyway...) (And, yes, this was a very long time ago but I'm telling you anyway. ) We were told to bring a doll or stuffed animal on which to practice. That should have been a red flag. You can't practice breastfeeding on an inanimate object. They should have told us to bring a pet. Anyway, as the nurse was standing up there expounding on the importance of breastfeeding, and John and I were making fun of the people sitting around us, this supposedly educated nurse said, "A study has shown that 80% of women breastfeed." and she wrote it on the blackboard. That got my attention, because c'mon, 80% of people can't agree on anything. 80% of women couldn't agree on Team Edward or Team Jacob. When I got home I looked up the study. It showed that 80% of women breastfeed while in the hospital. Average hospital stay in the US? One day. 80% of women breastfeed for one day. I'm not impressed. Let's double it. 80% of women breastfeed for 2 days. Nope, that's still not doing anything for me. You could go two days without eating. 80% of women don't eat. C'mon, ladies, we're better than that.
What is really hacking me off these days is 'side effects'. A acquaintance/friend of mine was having a medical issue. A minor one that I felt totally qualified to armchair quarterback and I said, "You should go to your doctor, she could give you something for that." She responded "Oh, those pills aren't good because they make you wander around in a daze." Really? Well, firstly, you're doing that already. Secondly, that is a possible side effect that some people in the trial experienced. It's not guaranteed. Wouldn't it be great if that 'loss of appetite' side effect was guaranteed? Who wouldn't take that drug?
When I started taking my new anti-depressants, something odd was happening which I can't even remember now so it must have stopped, but I asked my doctor if it could be caused by the new drug. She pulled up the list of side effects and started rattling them off. When she got to 'weird dreams', we both started laughing. She reminded me that, "They have to put down everything that anyone experienced. Every if it was only one person." And that is what they do so they don't get sued by some moron who claims the drug gave her weird dreams that were causing her emotional distress which will make the news and then everyone will say, "Oh don't take that. It's bad." without knowing what the fuck they're talking about. Weird Dreams? What does that even mean? I had this dream once that Orlando Bloom really wanted me. Was it weird? Yes. Am I complaining? No. No, sir, I am not. In fact if you could guarantee that weird dream, I'd chew those drugs like candy. Then I would sue if the dreams stop. The next headline you read will be "No. Cal Woman wins lawsuit against Big Pharma because Bloomimex stop working"
I won't even bother telling you about the dumb ass argument I got into with a PTA chair who read the title of an article and wanted to implement a program based on it. Buuut, that's not even what the study showed. But it all fell on deaf ears because, oh no, it's been proven. God, and her program was ridiculous too but whatever. I'm rambling....
....so.....what was my point here?......Oh, if you haven't read the entire article, shut up.
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