And so it begins….

Actual ABC News Article:

'Zombie' Bees Surface in the Northeast

…."They fly around in a disoriented way, get attracted to light, and then fall down and wander around in a way that's sort of reminiscent of zombies in the movies,"….."It's sort of a combination of zombies and aliens mixed together,"…...But there's not necessarily any threat of a zombie (bee) invasion anytime soon, John Hafernik, a professor of biology at San Francisco State University….

Yeah, right. 

The Oscar Race

Me, "We should see all the movies nominated for Best Picture."
John, "I'm up for that."
Me, "Oh wait, there are 9 movies not 5, right?"
John, "yes."
Me, "hmmm"
John, "We can start with the Wolf of Wall Street."
Me, "But that's 3 hours long…"
John, "Gravity has gotten really good reviews."
Me, "Space movie without aliens or anything blowing up. Why?"
John, "12 Years a Slave?"
Me, "That will make me cry."
John, "Dallas Buyers Club?"
Me, "More crying"
John, "Captain Phillips?"
Me, "Pirates should have eye patches and say 'Argh'."
John, "We're not seeing any of these movies, are we?"
Me, "Nah, I'm over it."

My New Superhero Persona

I had to have a second Mammogram yesterday which was a little nerve racking.  I haven't had to retest since college calculus and I finally just took my 'C' and Elvis left the Math building.  Anyway, I was a little nervous so John drove me to the lab and I brought along my new 10" Wonder Woman collectible action figure that I got for Christmas.  (She's awesome but you already know that.)

John, "I dare you to take that into the office and quietly talk to it."
Me, "Tempting."
It would have been funny but there could have been actual sick people in there so probably insensitive as well.

After about 20 minutes in the waiting room,

John, "Mammo…..Mammo……That sounds so funny."
Me, "uh huh"
John, "Mammo, mammo, mammo, mammo"
Me, "I'm remembering the last time you came to the doctor's with me….."
John, "Hey, that was hilarious!"
Me, "uh huh"

I finally got called into the back after another 10 minutes.  I order the #7, Squished Boob 3 Ways.  It's quite good; I highly recommend it.  Then I waited another 10 minutes for Central Casting to send up someone to play the "Absent Minded Professor".  Boy, did they find a good one.  His hair was standing up and everything.

Dr,  "I'm Dr. Something-or-Other."
Me, "Jennifer Moore"
Dr,  "You're super dense."
Me, "You just met me."
Dr,  "Huh?
Me, "Hmm?"
Dr, "Every things fine….words words...extremely dense...words words words... really quite dense...words words words words….not a complete whiteout on the X-ray but close….words words….on the high end of density….words words…..very dense….words words words…..spectrum of tissue density…words words words…high density…..words...
 {Am I being punked?'}
…...words words....very very dense….words words words...density...words words…extremely hard to see through…..words words….
{Really, where's the camera?}
words words….dense…words…dense….words…dense...words words words words...dense dense dense dense dense dense.  Let me find you a brochure."

He fumbles around in his desk for a few minutes then handles me a brochure titled "Breast Density".  Hmm, wonder what this is about?

Me, <thumbing the brochure>"So my breast tissue would be considered…?"
Dr. "Dense."
Me, "Gotcha"

Back out in the waiting room,

John, "So?"
Me, "I'm super dense."
John, "No kidding.  What'd the doctor say?"

When we got back to the car I picked up Wonder Woman and explained to her that I would be her new sidekick,  Captain Density.  I'd swoop in and fall on the villains, trapping them under my inescapable density, until the cops arrive.  I'm envisioning a purple cape and matching go-go boots. A huge Rho emblazoned on my chest.  That's the symbol for density.  I looked it up.

Trip to the Aquarium

I love the Monterey Bay Aquarium.  Even more since they got a Mantis Shrimp.  see link

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/mantis_shrimp

And I got a rocking picture of it and I only had to wait like 10 minutes for it to come out from under it's coral and check us out.  Probably wondering if it could eat us.

John and I are obsessed with mantis shrimp and have even gone so far as to try to get one.  Probably because you need kevlar gloves to clean the tank and our lives don't involve enough kevlar.

 (John in gray, me in green)

We also spent quite a bit of time watching the cuttlefish, which are AWESOME.  There were a bunch of babies the last time we were at the aquarium and now the babies are all grown up.  There  were like 20 in the tank;  swimming around and changing colors and looking adorable.  If you're unfamiliar with cuttlefish, check out this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDwOi7HpHtQ

Now you know why cuttlefish are the lactose intolerable cheese makers of the sea.

Tahoe

We spent the weekend up at Tahoe.

Tom's suitcase spend the weekend on the floor of his bedroom.

And 12 years of hounding the boys to change their underwear every day, went out the window <snap> just like that.

Not to be outdone, the other kid spent the weekend wearing my mom's winter coat.  Sam, "Look what I found in the closet?!  Can I take this?!"  Me, "Knock yourself out."

Best book quote this week

From "Christine Falls" by Benjamin Black


...."Will we go for a pint?" he said.

"For God's sake, Barney, it's eleven o'clock in the morning."

"Is it? Jesus, we better hurry up, then."

The Zombie Wars Continue….

We broke down and bought the Dead Rising 3 Officially Strategy Guide.  I'm pretty sure the first tip will be "avoid the zombies"

***************

So I found out that the kid in our carpool plays Dead Rising 3.

Alex, "Can Tom and Sam come in and play Dead Rising?"
Me, "No, they have homework and tests to study for."
Boys, "ah man" <moan> <groan> <whine> <general bitching>
Alex, "Please! I was going to show them the light saber."
Me, "N…wait, you have a light saber? Where did you find that?"
Alex, "Down in the subway.  I can show you."
Me, "Well, okay but just for 20 minutes."

Three minutes later the four of us are rushing in the door and up the stairs.  I'm shouting in explanation, "Alex is going to show me where to find the blueprints for the light saber!"  And we leave Tina standing in the foyer, arms raised like "what the hell just happened?!?"

Five minutes later, "Oh my god, you can drive the roller-hawg into the subway?!?  Where's my phone? I have to text John!!"

Combo weapons are key! These are vital strategy tips, people.  Write them down!

***************

Nick, our hero, is clad in a blue banana hammock. (think Borat only animated)

Me, "This is really disturbing."
John, "What?"
Me, "When he bends over you can see his butt, square on, and it looks a little hairy.  That's way too much detail."
Then Sam walks in, "What are you guys looking for now?"
Me, "Pants"

***************

Nick  is clad in a flowery spaghetti strapped sundress and red go-go boots.

After one grueling round, John paused the game and said, "You know, I think your best advice to me was 'Stop getting shot'."

**************

Nick is currently running around in a haz-mat suit.

Me, "Okay, I read how to defeat Red…"
John, "No, no, I've got a strategy."  words, words, words "And then I let him stab me…" more words
Me, "I'm not sure I can get behind a strategy that includes, 'then I let him stab me'"
John, "Trust me, it'll work."

A few minutes later Sam walks in to watch.  After a while he says,"The knife-stabbing thing is unfortunate."

***************

On the drive home from school,
Alex, "I can't believe you're so into Dead Rising 3."
Tom, "Because she's a girl?"
Alex, "No."
Me, "Is it because I'm OLD?!"
Alex, "Umm, I don't know how to answer that…"
Me, "Do you want to walk?"

***************

Nick is now wearing a has-mat helmet, leather jacket, boxing shorts and fireman boots.

John, "Put down your knitting and help me!!!"

***************

The XBox 1 has various voice commands.  I guess to feel more star trek-y.  During the Psycho Battles, it will prompt you to yell "You're Crazy" at the bad guy and then (in theory) he gets rilled up and acts erratically.  But the more times you yell "You're Crazy" at the T.V., the sillier you feel and the words start to sound funny.  Not to mention it's way too much like a PTA meeting so I've stopped participating.

Shutting down the system is voice activated too.

John, "XBox go home."
John, "XBox turn off."
Me, "XBox paint the hall."

Nuf Said

The Zombies are Killing Us

We got an XBox for the boys this Christmas.  Well, maybe for the boys.  It was intended for the boys.  It's definitely the boys'….Anyway,  it came "bundled" with two games that we deemed inappropriate for them.  One of those games was Dead Rising 3 and although we wholeheartedly agreed that the game was inappropriate, the boys have watched a lot of it.  Watched, mind you, not played but they're gotten quite bored with it.  (I don't know what's wrong with kids today but they lack focus and stamina.)  So it's up to John and I to fight all these zombies.  And it's exhausting.  It's only been hooked up for a week but it's become all encompassing.  The first few days, the boys would walk into the room and say,

boys, "can we play the XBox?"
us, "sure, just 10 more minutes."
boys, "can we play the XBox?"
us, "yeah, 30 minutes tops."
boys, "can we play the XBox?"
us, "we just need to find the fuel for the airplane."
boys, "can we play the XBox?"
us, "you're grounded. go to your rooms"

We thought things would get better when John went back to work the day after New Year's.  However the first day was filled with texts like:

Then when he came home (early) from work the first thing he said as he rushed in the door and down the hall to change clothes was, "I got a plan for killing Diego.  I'm gonna find a shotgun and give it to the guy back at the armory and then he'll come and help me."  I was like, "Load it up! We're going back in!"

It's even invaded my dreams.  Not that I have zombie dreams but during my dreams I find myself scrolling through my options/arsenal to see what to do.  Do I talk to her?  Can I ignore her?  Do I have enough food? What's with the duck?  Pause!  Pause!

Now you may not be familiar with Dead Rising 3 but if you are, you know that it's a single player game.  Well, we play as a team.  Mainly because we're old and our first video game was "Pong".  This game is way beyond "Pong".  It's way too intense for me which isn't saying much.  I get stressed out playing Lego Star Wars.  "Everyone's shooting at meeeeeee!!!"  It's too intense for John too which is saying something but you have to do all these missions and there are zombies everywhere.  So one person (John) works the controller and kills the constant hoard of zombies swarming around. and the other person (me) looks for weapons and vehicles and food and yells helpful things like, "Go Left!  Left!  Left!  No Right!  X  X  B  AHHHHH"

Our only reprieve is changing clothes.  Wait, that came out wrong.  Throughout the game there are different clothes laying around.  The first day our character, Nick, ran around in nothing but boxer shorts that had a wrench on them.  (Yeah, I don't know either)  but this made me too nervous.  I mean how can you fight zombies when you're not wearing shoes.  So we've been running through Los Perdidos, fighting zombies while wearing coveralls, a welder's helmet, army fatigues, police tactical outfits, a Manga mask, plaid golfer pants, skate shoes, you name it.  We've been half the Village People and are currently wearing a shiny space girl dress.

And to top things off people from outside our house, from the real world, will drop into the game and try to play with us which totally confuses us.  "Who's that?"  "Whose voice is that?" "I hear someone breathing"  "Go away!"  "Go away!"  "Do you think they can see that you're dress in a tennis skirt and combat boots?"

I can't wait for school to start back up so we can get back to normal.  These zombies are killing me.

(And they can call that town Los Perdidos but it's L.A. because the freeways are a fucking mess!)