Jul - Got "Gavel" app for my phone. Yeaaaa!!
Aug - Extremely disappointed that no one was heeding my gavel app in meetings Boooo!
Sept - Public Speaking. AKA I'd rather chew glass. Found out I had to talk to the entire parent population at Back to School night. I found out 5 days before hand and entirely by accident.
Principal, "Oh, Jennifer, I'm talking to Amy about Back to School night. Do you want to sit in on this."
Me, "Well, not really but since I did such a stellar job of sneaking past you, I guess I'm kinda stuck."
(I didn't say that)
Principal, "So, I'll welcome everyone then Jennifer can talk."
Me, "Excuse me?"
Principal, "You'll need to talk about 5-10 minutes"
Me, "I'm sorry, I'll need to what?"
Principal, "You need to talk about PTA. Didn't I talk to you about this?
Me, "NO, YOU DIDN'T TALK TO M..."
Amy, "Do you have any slides? I can put together a PowerPoint."
Me, "NO, I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING SLIDES!"
And it all went downhill from there.
Oct - Two words, Cake Walk. Life just doesn't get any better than that.
Nov - Parents' Holiday Luncheon with kids. Huge turnout, prompting some to complain that they ran out of the parent's food too quickly. "Really? I thought it was something of a bonus to find all the moist turkey product and interesting yam-ish side dish gone when I went through the line. Saved me the trouble of explaining why I was eating nothing but dinner rolls"
Dec - Emails. If I had a particularly frustrating or soul sucking email, I would just close the computer and walk away. For a while John would get home from work, open up the computer and the first thing he'd see was the email. And I'd hear things like "Who is this crazy lady?" or "What an asshole." coming from the other room. Then I had a brainstorm. I could have John check to see if I received any emails from the usual suspects and then I could mentally prepare myself before actually reading them. Kind of an Early Warning System.
Me, "Will you see if I got a response from XXXX?"
John, "No way."
Me, "Come on. You don't have to read it just let me know if it's there."
John, "I can't look at anymore of your emails. The negativity is so...I don't know. I mean it's an elementary school. What happened to bake sales??"
Me, "Yeah, I know. So will you check?"
John, "No way."
It's so hard to find good help.
Jan - Volunteered to be Treasurer at the Middle School next year. Several people said, "Oh, that's a lot of work!", "Oh, that's hard." After the fourth or fifth person said this, I started getting concerned and said, "But, it's just a balancing a check book and comparing it to the budget. It's arithmetic and a greater than/less than exercise. Right? <chuckle> <chuckle>" Other Lady, "Well, my father died when I graduated from college so I've had access to my trust fund since then and I really don't do...that...stuff." Me, <blink> <blink> Honestly, how do you respond to that???
Feb - Valentine's Day Party. It was decided that pizza was not a "healthy meal option" so a potato bar was organized. Yes, a potato bar. Where you start with the only vegetable on earth with no nutritional value and pile it with butter, sour cream, cheese, bacon bits and chili. "Why don't we just give them all a Big Mac and a defibrillator?" "What??"
Mar - Time to update the By-Laws. "So, Mrs Council By-Laws Lady, why exactly does an elementary school need 27 pages of by-laws when we find most of our board members struggling in the bear traps we leave hidden around campus? And why, if we're not allowed to revise the by-laws so members can attend meetings via conference call, are we allowed to revise the actual by-laws via conference call?" Making friends everywhere I go....
Apr - Training for next year. (This actually happened in June but I already had something for June.) Found out that throwing a pie in the Principal's face was deemed "too dangerous" and not covered by our insurance. It was proposed by a local school. District Insurance Lady said, oh, no no no, perhaps if it was a paper plate with just whipped cream but really it'd be better if you threw it at a picture of the principal. Local school said, well, we'll do it and just not tell you. District Lady drove 400 miles to make sure the principal was not pelted with any type of pastry product during the school's spring fair. No one fucks with the district insurance lady. No one. And don't get her started on bouncy castles.
May - Threw my back out and spent three weeks in a pain killer/muscle relaxer haze. Best month of the school year. Hands down.
Jun - End of Term. Principal, "Wait, you still have two weeks left." Me, "Actually, I'm not allowed to make any decisions that will encumber the incoming board. It's in the By-Laws. I'll get you a copy."
Elvis has left the building.
**I swear to god I didn't make ANY of this up. Especially the stuff from May.**
No comments:
Post a Comment