My Kids are Terrible Liars

I don't mean they lie all the time.  I mean they're terrible at it.  They may quite possibly be the worst liars ever.

Sam is completely hopeless.   As soon as he tells me, "Yes, I brushed my teeth." he starts to smirk and his eyes don't quite land on anything.  His feet have even been known to shuffle.  Then he'll blurt out, "Fine, I'll go brush them now." All without me having said a word.  This kid is going to be the worst poker player in the history of the frat house.

He's getting a little bit better with the concept of deception.  He did try to hide vegetables at dinner the other night.  Of course, he just left them laying on his chair.  And I stood there, staring down at them, saying, "Really?!?" To which he replied, "Oh fine, I'll eat em."

And neither one has figured out that if they really don't want to eat something, they could feed it to the dog.  We didn't have a dog until I was in high school but we did figure out pretty early that, once our parents left the table, we could feed it to each other.   "Fine, I'll eat the liver but you have to eat whatever the hell this green stuff is."

Tom will work some righteous indignation into his tone and I'll give him points for that. Tom, "Oh, so you think this is my fault?!"  Me, "Yes. Yes, that's exactly what I think."  After his fit of vehement denial, (he doth protest too much), he'll come clean.  Tom, "I knew it was a rock when I threw it at Sam's head."  Me,"Yeah, I know."

He reached an all time high (or low?) this weekend.  He was playing with my big gardening shears.  The ones that I've told them countless times NOT to play with.  Yes, those shears.  And he cut the garden hose.  While the water was turned on.  John and I looked out the window, the hose was laying on the ground with the shears firmly clamped around it, water was spraying in a huge arc over Tom's head, whose clothes were soaked, and he looked up at us and said, "I dropped it".

John's responses were along the lines of "why did you do that?", "turn off the water", "don't lie to me".  I yelled, "I dropped it? That's what you're going with? I dropped it??"  Then John sent me out of the room because my laughter was interrupting the disciplinary process.