It's a Wonderful Time to be Alive

This is an emotional support duck.  He was on a flight recently with his owner who suffers from PTSD.  His name is, wait for it, Daniel Turducken Stinkerbutt.

I would pay extra to sit in his row.

I think I need to knit him another sweater.

It's Stephen Sondheim's Fault

Things got side tracked this weekend and suddenly everyone stopped talking about clowns.  Last week we were all about clowns.  The yahoo homepage ran an article called "Clown reports tying up Police Resources".  I got an email from the school district titled, " National Clown Social Media Hoax".  By Friday morning, there was an overabundance of evidence that clowns were seen on the walking trail behind the high school and a shooting threat had been made for the next Friday but some moms were keeping their kids home this Friday just to be safe. Facebook, instagram and emails were referenced, names were dropped, and Julie definitely saw them.  By 8:35 am, I was convinced that absolutely nothing had happened.  So I called my friend, Tina

Me, "The clowns are here. Well, not THE clowns but some clowns."
Tina, "THE clowns? There aren't THE clowns and other clowns. They're just clowns."
Me, "No, I mean the scary clowns....well, they're all scary...."
Tina, "I looked it up on the internet and every couple of years there's a flurry of clown related crimes."
Me, "Did you hear that sentence? I can't believe you just said that."
Tina, "I can't believe I told my kids not to talk to clowns."
Me, "Well, if you don't talk to your kids about clowns, who will? If a clown asks you to get into their tiny car, say no. I know it'll be tempting with all the squeaky noses and squirting flowers and sure one more can squeeze in. Just say No."
Tina, <talking about her youngest> "He's going to be The Joker for Halloween and now he's worried people will think he's a clown."
Me, "You could dress like Harley Quinn and explain that The Joker is not a clown. The Joker is a Joker, that's why his name is The Joker. Or you could throw playing cards at them."
Tina, "I don't think the Heath Ledger Joker had playing cards. Did he?"
Me, "He did. If you guys get arrested as a community threat, I'm totally coming up for your trial."
Tina, "I can't talk about this anymore. I've gotta go."

Then things got fucked up over the weekend in the real world and I missed the clowns but we seem to be getting back on track because a clown carrying a chainsaw was spotted at Burnel University in England. You can google it. It's terrifying and a complete hoax because who would stand there and record it on their phone, and this is why the aliens keep flying past instead of stopping but it did give me a really good idea.

Now I just need a tiny doggie chainsaw

Meter Stick

I just finished reading "Tony and Susan" by Austin Wright.  It's been turned into a movie called, "Nocturnal Animals" and the preview looked good, like some who's-who, what-really-happened psychological thriller so I decided to read the book.  Someone needs to read this and tell me if it's good or not.  I really don't know.  I also don't know what it's about.  Some of the wording was odd so I thought maybe it was originally written in a language other than English and the translation is off but when I looked up the author, it turns out he's American. He's also written essays on critical thinking.  Okay, maybe I'm too dumb to understand it.  It must be an illustration of some philosophical concept but I don't know what. Again, I'm too dumb or something.  Anyway, there was this great quote that I thought was very relevant in our current political climate.

"....when his rudeness was replaced by civility, civility looked like glamor."

Civility should be the bare minimum of our expectations.
You don't get credit for not being an asshole.

Iron Chef Canada

John cooks on the weekends.  Lately his signature dish is chicken.  The man can roast a mean chicken.

I need this sign

My Old Lady Group

So I attended my monthly Women's Club meeting last week.  When I got there, I had a bit of a panic because I my friend, Lisa, who got me involved in the first place, wasn't there and these old ladies are crazy....

So I sent a few texts to keep her up to date:

Later John asked how the meeting went so I showed him the text string. Including an additional one that I'd sent prior to the monthly board meeting that I also attend because they tricked me.  Crazy yet wily old ladies. 

John, "Uh...wha....hhh....I don't know what any of this means."
Me, "Exactly. Yet notice that Lisa knew exactly what I was talking about each time."
Me, "Want me to explain them to you."
John, "I really don't."

Later, when we were leaving the high school football game:
Sam, "How was your old lady's meeting?"
Me, "It was fine.  I sat at the 'young' table but our token old lady got upset because I kept saying 'fuck'."
John, "JENNIFER!"
Me, "Well, if you had taken a greater interest in my day, I wouldn't be standing here telling the kid.  And he said 'bitch' not 10 minutes ago. You didn't say anything about that."
Sam, "I was being funny and I didn't say the whole word."
Me, "You stopped at H."
John, <walking away> "oh my god."
Me, "What?"

Why does anyone care about this?

Why, why, why, is Kaepernick still getting air time?  I'm convinced it's just so the news outlets can prove they know how to spell his name. If they really want me to pay attention, they need to start finding new and interesting ways to misspell his name. Throw a few Kaeperninski's or Kaeperachoo's in the crawl and I'll sit up.

What is his endgame here?  Is he hoping to introduce moral responsibility to the NFL?  Yeah, right. American football has already sold it's soul.  The list of moral transgressions they don't give a shit about is endless.  Hell, they'll help you protect a child rapist as long as you keep winning games.   They'll even honor you at Homecoming.

I'm also not impressed with his choice of civil disobedience.  All he's doing is sitting on his ass.  I can do that.  He's not even sitting out the entire game. He's sitting out for 1.31 minutes.  He is risking nothing. NOTHING.  He's worth millions. His latest contract is worth  millions. If they fire him, they'll have to pay him millions and another team will pick him up for more millions.  His sponsors aren't going to drop him because he's "standing by his beliefs" and he's getting more press. Wow, Kaepeppernut, you're so brave! Move over, Rosa.

And you know what my biggest problem is with this publicity stunt? I don't believe him.  I don't for a minute think he believes that black lives matter.  He believes that some black lives matter. Otherwise he'd be sitting on his ass and refusing to play with or against the players who beat the shit out of their wives, or girlfriends or kids.  Oh, but wait, that's asking a lot so maybe just the ones we've seen ON TAPE. I guess those lives don't matter.

So fuck off, Kaepernicus, and go back to throwing your little ball around. You're not a role model.