Every once in a while John will get on facebook to see what's going on in the world. (And by world, I mean microcosms of people who haven't been in the same room in years and if they all lined up you'd be hard pressed to remember which one was Darren.) I'm the only one with an account so he uses mine.
John, "Hey, it's <so and so's> birthday this week."
Me, <noncommittal grunt>
John, "Want me to send a birthday wish?"
Me, "NO!"
John, <mild shock at my empathic reaction>
Me, "Don't! Sending birthday wishes is a trap. I'm not on facebook everyday so I'm bound to miss someone so some people will get birthday wishes and some people won't get birthday wishes and it'll inevitably be a family member so I'll have to start checking everyday to make sure that everyone gets a birthday wish and I just don't need that stress in my life so instead of sending Everyone birthday wishes, No One gets birthday wishes that way it's all fair and square."
John, "That's messed up."
Me, "Is it? Is it messed up or is it genius?"
John, "Pretty sure it's messed up. Mainly because nobody cares."
Me, "Ah, but you're assuming all of this is happening outside my head. Rookie mistake."
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