Good Morning

So, Tom's at the fridge, holding a tub of cream cheese,

Tom, "Is this cream cheese?"
Me, "Yup." and I'm thinking sure, you can ask me, or you could just read the damn label, jeez.

Later, I pick up the tub and you know what? No where on it does it say 'cream cheese'. Nowhere.

                   

Clearly I don't read labels at the grocery store. I just wander around like a trained monkey, grabbing items that are the right color.

And then.....

John was leaving for a business trip and from the hall he said,
John, "My plane leaves around 1:00 so I won't be home before I leave. Back in the afternoon on Wednesday."
Me, "Okay, see you tomorrow."
Now I was only half listening because I was reading 'It' and it's really good and I'm on a deadline because I want to finish it before the movie comes out on the 8th.
Sam, <standing at the toaster, wearing head phones> "He's back on Thursday."
Me, "Huh?"
Sam, "He's not back tomorrow, but he'll be by this afternoon."
Me, "What? John, you're heading straight to the airport, right?"
John, "Yes."
Me, "And you're back tomorrow?"
John, "Yes."
Me, <talking to Sam> "You got everything wrong. And you're wearing headphones! Wha....how....why are you correc...."
Sam, <shrug> "Meh." and walks away.

These types of conversations happen several times a day.
God, I hope he listens better in class.