It's all Relative

So the Kushner's have millions of dollars worth of art hanging on their walls, that they forgot about, and based on the photo spread their kids are allowed in those rooms.  My kids get yelled at if they swing a light saber too close to the lamp I bought at Target.

Musings...

Is it a 'witch hunt' when there really is a witch? Isn't it just a 'hunt'?

Faith in Humanity Restored

So I was driving to JoAnns this morning and while stopped at a traffic light, the car next to me, in the left turn lane, decided to go straight rather than turn left. But, see, I was driving straight in my lane and was in her way. So she honked at me. Honked. At me. Part of me wishes she'd have hit me so I would have had the opportunity to talk to her. So there I was, beginning my day with an idiot. Sigh.

But then later when I was at JoAnns, the lady at the register next to me told this story.  Her daughter, who has a male gym teacher, had been coming home from school saying, "My gym teacher loves quilting!" and "He's really into quilting!" for the last couple of weeks. This week was Teacher Appreciation day so she bought a quilting-related gift for him with a card that said, "Don't quilt your day job" which we all agreed was clever.  Many other students brought in gifts that had something to do with quilting as well. It turned out that he didn't love quilting. Another teacher had started the rumor as a prank. And we all laughed.

So now I'm bummed that the kids are no longer in Elementary school because I would totally tell all the kids that Mrs. Schnarr loooooooves cat plates and in fact collects them. Somebody, please, do this for me!

One-Sided Conversations

"She does that as a form of dominance....we don't have male dogs and she wants to be the alpha...if you hold her over water, she'll paddle her legs but that doesn't make her Michael Phelps.....fine, you're  right, Alice is a lesbian"

"Will you straighten out the seatbelt.....because when it's twisted like that, the buckle thunks on the panel the whole time I'm driving....Well, I can't reach it back there.....Just STRAIGHTEN THE SEATBELT"

"Please, Man-Child, explain sexism in the workplace to me and speak slowly so that I can understand."

"Pluto is not a planet.....it doesn't matter that Wyoming passed a law stating that it is......Your opinion doesn't matter when it comes to science......Well, then they're using out of date textbooks.....fine, tell your science teacher that Pluto is a planet, I'm sure you'll enjoy summer school."

"Can we get through the meal without naming off all the things on the plate that cause cancer.....anything will kill you in the wrong amount.  Too much water will kill you.....I'm 99% sure these crops were not irrigated with water from the Mekong.....When are you finished with Health class......Just eat the damn broccoli"

You'll never know how stupid you are until you have a teenager.