Monopolies are Bad

I know this. I've taken the classes. I've read the books. I've played the game.  Everyone knows that monopolies are bad. Yet the one monopoly that I would like to see formed in the next four years is with those stupid debit/credit machines at checkout counters. I don't know what they're called. Please, Allah (or whoever is in charge today) let one of Trump's RobberBarons cabinet picks own one of those companies.

Why? Because those machines are all different. Every store has a different machine, with different questions, in  a different order. And, god forbid, you mess up and they have to reboot the transaction after reconnecting to the mothership or whatever the fuck they have to do. I've seriously considered sending myself to the back of the line when that happens because, seriously, all I had to do was read the questions. But I don't want to read your stupid questions that are written in a slightly different way from the questions at the store next door just to make sure that I'm paying attention because I'm not. And I'll tell you that right up front. I am not. paying. attention. I am here to get my cough medicine and ignore every form of intelligence, artificial or otherwise. Unless it's a dog. I have plenty of time to pet the dog. I'd almost rather go back to writing checks and making small talk with the cashier. It's a tough call.

They can't even make the answer colors the same. Why do the colors have to be different?  At this point in my life the only thing I know for sure is that red means 'stop' and green means 'go'.  Whole Foods has orange. Orange? Am I supposed to 'yield'?  One store had blue. Blue?!? I don't remember which store but BLUE? I actually said, out loud, "Blue? What the fuck is blue?" The cashier grunted.  Grunted.  I'm getting snarky with a machine and the cashier is giving me the vocal equivalent of filing her nails.  Can we just get one machine?

Although, I will admit, I do like the added security of the card chip.  I do feel much safer since that was rolled out.  No self-respecing thief would spend an extra 9 minutes standing in front of the eye-in-the-sky waiting for that transaction to go through.

Oh, you know what I learned this morning waiting to buy my cough medicine? Listening to the couple ahead of me spell out their email address 4 times? And repeat the spelling of their last name 3 times? If you just keep hacking and hacking throughout their entire transaction, the cashier won't bother asking you a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g She'll hit a few button on her register and toss the Robitussin towards the exit.