John, "So I have a surprise for you!"
Me, "Uh huh. what?"
John, "I think you're really going to like this!!"
Me, "uhhhh"
John, "I got you an autograph session with Nathan Fillion!"
Me, "uuuuuuuuuhhhhhh"
John, "You'll get to meet him!"
Me, "uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh"
John, "You can talk to him!"
Me, "Talk to him? I can't talk to him! I can barely talk to the people I know! Are you new?!?"
John, "You can get his autograph!"
Me, "What's he going to autograph? Do I need to get an autograph book? What do I do with an autograph? Do I have to hang it in the living room like those crazy Bon Jovi fans in Arizona? Oh my god, I don't have anything to wear? What am I going to wear? I need a new lipstick....."
John, "Surprise!"
A few days later:
John, "Um, what did you order from Garnet Hill?"
Me, "I need something to wear to meet Nathan Fillion."
John, "So you ordered everything?"
Me, "I ordered a bunch of stuff and I'll return what I don't want or doesn't fit."
John, "Um, could you return them immediately?"
A few more days later:
I've always wanted one of these cute pillows that I found on Etsy. The seller makes them to look like pop culture figures and the firefly ones are super cute. I figured I'd get the Malcolm Reynolds one and have Nathan Fillion sign it. Phew, that's settled.
Me, "Look what I got!"
John, "Cool! You should have him sign that!"
really? great idea.
And even more days later:
John, "Did I email the confirmation to you?"
Me, "No."
John, "I can't find it. hhmmm. I'll keep looking."
Me, "You mean I don't have an autograph session? I finally got my head around it. And I got a pillow."
John, "No, I booked it. I just need to find the confirmation."
<days go by>
John, "So I found the email confirmation."
Me, "Oh, good."
John, "Well, it's not an autograph session. It's a photo-op"
Me, "WHAT?!?!?"
see the only thing I like better than talking to people I don't know, is having my picture taken.
Me, "WHAT!?!?!?!"
Me, "Wh....What do I do with my pillow?"
John, "Take it with you, he can sign it after the picture is taken. You can explain the mix up to him. It'll be funny......Oh wait, I just found the 'official rules'. No autographs will be given during the photo op. You have to get in the autograph line for that."
Me, "So I have to do this shit twice?"
John, "Oh, wait, you can't talk to him either."
<this is when we start laughing at the absurdity>
John, "If you want to have a conversation with the celebrity, you have to do that in the autograph line. You may briefly greet the celebrity."
<he keeps reading>
John, "Don't bring the celebrity any gifts."
Me, "See I don't get that. This guys is worth 15 million dollars. He should be giving me gifts."
John, "You could ask about that but you're not allowed to talk to him."
John, "Pretty sure, you can't make direct eye contact either."
John, "Oh, you can bring up to four people with you."
Me, "So that can laugh at you?"
John, "Hell yeah! I'm totally going!"
Me, "Well, at least the boys won't want to."
<From the other room>, "Yes, we do!"
fuck
Couple weeks before the big day:
John, "What are you doing?"
Me, "Whitening my teeth."
John, "Are you whitening your teeth for Nathan Fillion?!"
Me, "This is all your fault, you know"
One week before:
John, "What are you doing today?"
Me, "Getting my legs waxed."
John, "Jesus, this is costing me a fortune."
Day of:
John and I are standing in line, waiting our turn. There are waaaay more people in line than I expected so we're doing the gorilla math. 300 people in this session, 4 sessions, plus the autograph lines, say he gets half of the proceeds, jeez this guy is cleaning up here.
We finally get to the front of the line and there's a big sign that reads, "No Props"
Me, "No props? No props? But...what about my pillow? John, I can't take my pillow."
John, "That's okay, I'll hold it for you."
Me, "No, it's not okay. It's a Firefly pillow. He's going to think I'm a fan of Castle cause I'm an old woman but I'm not a fan of Castle I'm a Firefly fan I mean Castles is okay I guess but Firefly is awesome and I don't even watch Castle and Slither I love Slither"
Now we're next in line.
Line girl, "No props, sorry."
Me, "It's a therapy pillow."
Line girl, staring at me and trying to figure out if that is a real thing or not, "uhhhh"
John finally puts her out of her misery and takes the pillow from me.
And I'm up.
Me, "hi"
Nathan, (we're on a first name basis now) "Hi. Come on over here" and he gets me tucked up under his arm all nicely 'cause I'm far more special than the others.
And:
John, "Soooo?"
Me, "I think it meant more to me than it did to him."
John, <laughs>
Me, "And the whole 'exchange of money' kinda cheapened it...."
John, "well at least we got an 8x10 glossy to remember it by. Come on, let's get in line for the plastic protective sleeve...."
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