I went to my first Cat Show

All I can say is, "the smell".  What is that smell?  Is it going to stay in my clothes?  My pores?  Is it the kitty litter....or the flea powder..... or the snack bar food..... or the fried permed hair....maybe a combination of all four?....Oh my god, it's worse down here....don't go down there....move! move!....I haven't spent that much time breathing through my mouth since 1975 when we were living in South Korea and took a trip to the local open air market and wandered down the kimchi aisle.  What is that smell?! Now you may think you know kimchi because you tried it at that new asian fusion restaurant downtown and it was just a delight but You. Know. Nothing.  What is thaaaaaat????

And I was promised cats in costumes.  There are no cats in costumes.  It's the day after Halloween and you know for damn sure these cats were dressed up yesterday.  C'mon, it's one more day to amortize the cost of that cat costume you spend so long sewing.  There was even a theme to the show "Colors of Autumn".  What's the point of having a theme if the cats aren't dressed to it.  Two orange carriers do not a Color of Autumn theme make.  Is one cat dressed as a pilgrim really too much to ask for?

John, "What's wrong with your face?"
Me, "Huh?"
John, 'It looks frozen."
Me, "The smell."
John, "I've never seen your brow furled like that.  It's furled horizontally and vertically.  It's a square. How are you even doing that? And your mouth is hanging open."
Me, "The smell."
John, "It's the kitty litter.  Oh, look they're judging over here."
Me, "The smell."
John, "You keep saying that.  C'mon."

The judging was riveting.  One lady was so anxious, she stood directly in front of me.  Really? We're one person deep here?  All the cats got three ribbons.  I didn't see them up close but I'm assuming they were the "Participation" Ribbon, the "Correct Number of Limbs" Ribbon and the "At Least I Got Mom Out of the House" Ribbon.  One of the cats in the second judging ring received a fourth ribbon; the "Best Use of a Neurological Disease" Ribbon.  I telling you, there was something wrong with that cat.  It's back half wasn't working quite right but no one else seemed to notice.

And none of the cats wanted to be there.  You just had to look at their faces to see it.  At least dogs are happy to be at the show.  If that Cornish Rex had thumbs, it would have killed the judge.  That's the difference between cats and dogs.  If cats had thumbs, they'd take over the world.  If dogs had thumbs, they'd play video games.

And the icing on the cake?  47 minutes of pussy jokes from John.