Home Improvement is Difficult

So I went to the hardware store this morning to get new outlets for the boys' bathroom.  The ones that are in there now are dead and replacing the old ones with new ones if Step 6 in our repair process before calling an electrician. The steps go something like this:

step 1 - swear
step 2 - check the circuit breaker
step 3 - swear some more
step 4 - plug in various other times to see if anything else works because maybe it's just the hairdryer even though the hair dryer works just fine in my bathroom
step 5 - swear more intently

So I'm at the hardware store and they've got all their Halloween decorations on display including this amazing skeleton that's as tall as I am.  Who could resist?  Not me.  And I knew it was extremely awesome because Alice absolutely refused to walk next to it.  Major selling feature.  When I got home, I walked it straight into Sam's room and tucked it into his bed.

I can't wait for school to get out....

6 hours later.......

We get home from school and I decide to switch out the outlets because the boys' bathroom is right next to Sam's room and I'll be Johnny-on-the-spot when he discovers the skeleton.  They head into the kitchen for a snack.  Since the outlets aren't working there's really no way to tell which circuit breaker to throw so I throw all the 15's.  Half the house goes dark.  Sam's room is pitch black so there's no way he's going in there until the power is turned on.  Bummer, but at least I can get the outlets switched out.

As is par with this stupid bathroom the simple task of replacing the outlets is a total bear.  The wires won't come out and I have to yank on them for about 1000x's longer than should be necessary.  When I finally get them out and reach for the new outlet, I realize I've bought the wrong ones.  The old outlets have two sockets which I don't get because you can't plug two things into the bathroom sockets because once you plug in the hair dryer nothing else fits.  Am I right?   So I thought I'd be clever and buy new ones that have one socket and a built in nightlight.  No more stubbed toes in the middle of the night.  I'm a freaking genius.  But, oh no, the clever outlet is wired differently than the old outlets.  Shit.  Now I have to drive to the hardware store and get different outlets. Now the chances of the boys accidentally turning on all the circuit breakers in the dark laundry room and shocking themselves on the exposed wires in the dark bathroom while that entire half of the house is pitch black is quite slim but I wanted to be careful so I yelled, "DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING" and took off out the door.

On my return to the house, Sam was standing in the front yard, holding a big stick, and glaring.  After I pull the car into the driveway and climbed out, I asked, "What???"  Sam replies, "THERE'S A SKELETON IN MY BED AND I NEEDED A PENCIL SHARPENER SO TOM WENT INTO MY ROOM TO LOOK FOR ONE AND HE SAW THE SKELETON AND SCREAMED AND THEN STARTED CRYING AND NOW HE'S HOLDING A KNIFE AND WON'T PUT IT DOWN!"

Well, shit.  I put it in Sam's room for a reason.  Tom doesn't like jokes like that.

Me, "I wasn't trying to scare him, I was trying to scare you."
Sam, "WELL I DON'T APPRECIATE IT EITHER!"
Me, "Is that why you're holding a big stick?"
Sam, "IT'S NOT FUNNY, MOM!"

No, it's not funny.  Because I missed the whole thing!

But on a more positive note, Prof. Sawbones is a big hit.

Bring me a beer, dammit!