Best line from a book in a while

'When I was young I fantasized about the future....I was expecting us to be on other planets by now. I wanted genetic transformations and orbiting cities instead of Internet porn and small improvements in personal stereos.'

The Victoria Vanishes, Christopher Fowler

One Line Movie Review

47 Meters Down
After that many poor decisions, you deserve to be eaten by a shark.

Honestly, the last time we were in Mexico, they told us the mopeds would kill you.

This is NOT funny

It's not.  Really.  NOT Funny.

A French Fitness Blogger Has Died After A Whipped Cream Dispenser Exploded, Family Say

The worst part of summer vacation

If you're like me you stay up later than usual.  So it's 11:33, John's out of town, you're sipping a nightcap and have found an old episode of House on channel 1623 that you're convinced you've never seen.  Things are going fine until the next 3 minute infomercial break and suddenly Christie Brinkley's skin care regiment is starting to sound reeeeeally good.
Okay, go to bed.
Now.
You've probably seen this episode anyway and even if you haven't the last 7 minutes will be House discovering some unknown parasite that the aunt inadvertently brought back in a souvenir from an ashram in Bangladesh.  Or it's Lupus.
And you already bought those Wonder Woman shoes at 12:03 am last weekend. You've filled your crazy-quota for the week.

They are pretty awesome, though!

My favorite kid on the internet

The little girl who said this:

• A boy threw his candy wrapping in the floor and a 5-year-old girl screamed “DON’T POLLUTE YOU IDIOT, THAT IS WHY THERE ARE NO MEN IN TEMYSCIRA”

Politics getting you down?

Maybe this will help:

Olympic Swimmer Michael Phelps to Race Against Great White Shark on 'Shark Week'

I'm not even going to read the article. The headline is too good.  I want it to happen exactly like it is happening in my head right now.

So many questions.....

How does the shark know that it's racing?

How do you get a shark to swim in a straight line?

Does the shark get a medal if it wins?

Why all the weird spacing in this post? 
Is it shark related?

The Lost Art of Gift Giving

A guy, who works for John, has a wife that recently had a baby.  Wow, that's a weirdly written sentence but anyway....

Sincerely,
Mrs. Fucking Claus