Movie Review

So John and I decided to go see Gone Girl.  It was 6:10 and there was a 6:50 showing at the theater closest to the house.  We were just about done with dinner so we hurried the boys through the final bites.  John and Sam were scurrying around loading the dishwasher and Tom was putting away the leftovers.  I mentioned giving the rest of the carrots to Abbey and things turned into a big debate about whether or not we should be giving vegetables to the dogs but I've been giving leftover veggies to Abbey for years, dogs love vegetables, well Alice doesn't but Abbey does, veggies are good for dogs,  and oh my god, why are we still talking about this, do whatever you want, we have to get going....

We arrived at the theater with plenty of time and the parking lot was awash of middle aged woman.  And 8 year old girls; "The Boxtrolls" was showing too.  We got in the ticket line behind three different groups of movie goers.  We usually use the ticket machines so this was a blast from the past and I was checking out the ticket seller's hair; this high school guy with dark hair that was bleached blond.  Well, blond and brassy blond and I was wondering how he got it that color because when I told my hair guy that I wanted to go blond, he told me no because it would all fall out before we got anywhere near blond and this kid's hair looked like it was almost as dark as mine and oh my god, this line is not moving at all, why have we not moved?  What the hell was going on up there, sell the tickets and move on, stop pushing the Regal Crown Cards, I really have to pee!!

Finally, it was show time. I had read the book a while ago and  I was curious how they were going to handle all of the book's diary entries.  I also wasn't sure how they would end it.  I was 95% sure I didn't like the book's ending.  I was leaving that last 5% open in case someone could spin it for me but no one had yet.  But as much as I didn't like the book's ending, I also don't like it when they "hollywood-ize" an ending and make the devil-in-prada redeemable or the nanny's Mrs. X realize the errors of her ways.  I was also in doubt about Ben Affleck in the lead.  He seemed to old to me. Anyway it was a really good book so I was looking forward to seeing the movie.

It turned out to be a great movie.  The casting was bang-on and the novelist was the screenwriter so the movie stuck true to the book.  The running length was somewhere around 2 and 1/2 hours but it really held your interest and didn't feel near that long.  John and I were walking out, discussing just these things when I got this text from Tom:

Well, hell.....now I want to be Gone

I don't like Mondays...

Tom, "I hate Thursdays."
Me, "That's new.  Why?"
Tom, "They just taunt you by not being Friday."

Don't you hate it when....

Everyone is sitting outside on the deck and you want to go inside but you're sitting in the lounge chair that your mother-in-law wants to sit it so you don't want to get up and give her the chair but you really want to go inside and you're even getting a little chilly and you're contemplating taking the chair inside with you but you're sure someone will notice and ask about it so you really don't know what to do....

Or is it just me?

You say tomato, I say tomato

This morning was the first day post surgery for mom.  When I walked into the kitchen, she was at the fridge getting breakfast.

Me, "Mom, why don't you sit down and I'll get that for you."
Mom, "that's okay, I've got it"
Me, "you're supposed to stay off your foot so go lay down and I'll do that."

She doesn't move.

Me, "MOM, you're supposed to stay off your foot."
Mom, "Well, I need to walk on it so it doesn't tighten up. That what they said."
Me, "Well, I remember them saying, several times, that you need to stay off it as much as possible.  I guess we interpreted the instructions differently."
Mom, <grumble grumble grumble>
Me, "GO LAY DOWN"

I missed my calling. I'm a freaking Florence Nightingale....

Just like a superhero duo...

So I'm up in Olympia this week because my mom was scheduled to have foot surgery.  The "procedure" was this morning and all went well.  By the time I met she in the recovery room, she hadn't eaten anything in something like 13 hours.  She was due for her first pain pill of the day but she needed something in her stomach first so the nurse asked if she'd like an Italian soda and she did.  As we were driving home, I asked if she wanted me to drive to the store to get syrup and soda so she could have Italian soda at home.

Mom, "Oh no, that's okay."
Me, "Remember what the nurse said? If you have trouble eating, the syrup will coat your stomach so the pain pills don't bother you."
Mom, "I never have trouble eating."
Me, "And I'm never bothered taking pain pills.  We're like the perfect couple!"

The terrorists have won....

Going through security at the Oakland Airport.  I'm in line for the scanner and a dad and his two small children are ready to go through the x-ray. The little girl is carrying her jacket.  I swear to god this is all true.

TSA Agent, "She needs to be wearing her jacket."
Dad, <to daughter> "Oh, honey, go put it on the conveyor belt."
TSA Agent, "No, she just needs to be wearing it."
Dad, <to daughter> "Throw it over your shoulder."
TSA Agent "She needs to be wearing it."
Dad, "What?"
TSA Agent, "She needs to be wearing it."
Dad, "The jacket?"

I was watching this exchange and I started laughing, out loud, causing the TSA Agent working the scanner to start throwing me nervous looks and finger his walkie-talkie.  Is she having a breakdown?  Should I get the taser?

Then the line ground to a complete halt when the next lady's hugely overweight "service" dog plopped down on it's back-end and refused to go through the x-ray machine.  She picked up her cane to tug on the leash. He wasn't having any of it. She's starting to sweat. Which begs that question, how much help can you provide to your Service dog and still claim that he is there to help you?  I was crying.

I gotta get a job at the airport

Homicide on Aisle 12

We finished up the wainscoting in the boys' bathroom and it looks great!

We went with wainscoting instead of beadboard because I had a vision.  (John hates that.)  I had a vision and did a little googling and decided that wainscoting would be easier.  In fact it would be far less work than beadboard.  Really.  So I explained my vision a couple of times and John stressed his desire to stick with beadboard a couple of times.  I kept at it, convinced that he would be swayed to my side once he fully understood my vision in detail and he kept playing dumb every time I brought it up, as if we hadn't already talked about it seven times, in hopes that I would give up.  The final discussion took place in the lumber aisle at Home Depot:

John, "So, why are we over here? Where's the beadboard?"
Me, "We're doing wainscoting."
John, "Wait? Since when? I thought we were doing beadboard?"
Me, "OH MY GOD! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS A TH...."
John, "Hey, relax.  Why are you getting so worked up?"
Me, "DON'T TELL ME TO RELAX.  I DON'T NEED TO RELAX! Y..."
John, "Okay, okay. explain it to me again."
Me, "OH MY GOD! DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK. YOU'RE GIVING ME THAT LOOK LIKE I'M SOM....'

Now people are walking by staring at me.  Like I'm the crazy person.

So I explained my vision again and he finally relented.  Now all we needed to do was get the boards cut to size and get the hell out of there.  I had the measurements but John wanted to use the smaller 2' x 4' boards and I wanted to use the bigger 4' x 4' boards because it will mean fewer cuts but he wasn't following my math so I kept explaining it louder and louder but it didn't seem to be helping.  And people kept walking by, judging us.

We finally made it back to the big band saw or whatever the hell it's called and the nice HD guy was there to make the cuts for us.  He just needed the measurements.  So he stood there with the saw running, and John was telling him how much needed to be cut off and I was telling him how much needed to stay so we were literally coming at the problem from opposite directions and after we'd both shouted a couple of numbers, John started shouting, "Omaha, Omaha" until the guy finally turned the saw off.  I guess he assumed that we were shouting over the noise.  He clearly wasn't married.

We needed four pieces of board.  We came home with six but it all worked out in the end.

before

step 1

step 2

step 3

step 4

 So Ta-da! Wainscoting.  And you can't even see the blood.