Walking Dead part 2

Sam and I watched the latest episode of the Walking Dead.  One spiky zombie.  There was only one spiky zombie.  And it was killed with trash.  God, I hate this show.

Sam and I were discussing the episode over dinner.

Me, "That was disappointing."
Tom, "It was killed with trash? That doesn't make sense."
Me, "This is what we're talking about!"
Sam, "I've already figured out what tools in the garage I'll use as zombie weapons."
Me, <pointing a fork> "What you need to figure out is where we can go because this place has too many windows. We could never board them all up."
Tom, "I can't believe you guys have thought of this."
Me, "Sometimes it takes a while to fall asleep."
Sam, "Yeah."
Tom, <grunting>
Sam, "We'll take the dogs in case we run out of food."
Tom, <contemptible and very judgmental grunting>
<eating>
Sam, "We could go up the hill behind the houses."
Me, "There's nothing up there but cows."
<more eating>
Me, "Oh, there are those cement county buildings for equipment or whatever!"
Sam, "Yes! We could stay there!"
<more eating>
Tom, "Why don't you just go the the military base?"
Me, "OH MY GOD! Yes! We'll go to the military base!"
Sam, "There's tons of weapons there and it's all fenced!"
Me, "And there's a prison! And solar panels!
Tom,  <with wonderment and ridicule> "I can't believe you guys."
Sam, "We're not taking you."
Me, "Of course, we're taking him. We'll eat him when we run out of dog."

The Walking Dead

I stopped watching the Walking Dead after two seasons.  I couldn't handled all the stupid people and the stupid things they did and all the batshit-crazy people.  Sam had been asking to watch it and I couldn't remember why I had said it was inappropriate and figured it had something to do with his age when he originally started asking so I told him he could watch it. That's parenting at it's best right there. He asked me if I wanted to watch it with him several times but I held firm to my "no".  Then, somehow, I saw the trailer for the second half of season seven. If you haven't seen this, it can be found on line and some uber-fans (i.e. crazy people) have even broken it down frame by frame for analysis.  One of these frames shows a blurry spiky creature standing behind Rick. Oh, shit.

nonononononononononononononononononono

You can't do this to me! You can't throw in a completely awesome spiky zombie creature and get me sucked into this show again. Do you know how much I love monster movies? Do you, you sick sonofabitch? And it's all blurry so you can't get a really good look at it but it's still awesome. Maybe it's a some new mutant zombie. Please, god in heaven, let it be a mutant zombie. People are speculating that the zombies are being militarized.  Okay, that would be good second but I don't want to start watching this stupid show again.  I hate this show.

Fine, now I'm watching this goddamn show again but not all of it.  I'll only watch the current season. I'm not wading back through all the Mayor/Governor crap. The cannibals are tempting, really really tempting but I'm resisting. I know I'm going to have to deal with Negan, and you can tell from his smile that he's a fuckhead and I can only handle so much because I really hate this show. Season seven is all I'm gonna do. There, the decision is made.

Oh, but just wait a second there, missy. The current season of the Walking Dead is only available on the AMC app. It's not on-demand, it's not on Hulu, sure you can buy it on Amazon or some such nonsense but there's no way I'm gonna do that so that leaves me with the AMC app.  Sam warned me that the app had really bad reviews and I soon discovered the bad reviews were extremely well earned.  In order to catch up with the current episode and the spiky zombie creatures, I needed to watch nine episodes. Nine episodes full of stupid people whose back stories I needed Sam to explain to me just to have them die 20 minutes later. Nine episodes full of Negan who turned out to be an even bigger fuckhead than I'd imagined. All the while the AMC app would kick me out after each episode, and occasionally after it had been briefly paused for explanations from Sam as to characters and/or plot points. Each and every time I was kicked out I had to go online line to reactivate the app.  This happened so often that I added a bookmark for activation site and not to my list of favorite bookmarks but directly on the favorites bar itself.  It happened that often.  And here's the kicker, the first half of the season was only available to view for the next four days? Why? Because someone at AMC is a complete and utter bastard.

I spent four days and nine episodes telling fiction characters to kill Negan. But, oh no, they won't kill Negan because he'll do something batshit-crazy but he's already doing things that are batshit-crazy and, here's what I feel is the very important point that they all seem to have missed, arbitrarily!
ar-bi-trar-ily!!! Somebody please kill this fucker because you'll be no worse off then you are now.  He's Two-Face, making decisions by flipping a coin. Have none of these people read a book? or a newspaper? This scenario has been played out a thousand times and it always ends the same. Kill the fucker and the infighting will kill off half the rest and we can move on the the wonderful spiky mutant zombies. And, for the love of god, Rick. Stop Crying! Fuck.

By the way, I kept saying the same thing all the way through the movie The Split. ('Kill him', not 'stop crying, Rick'.)  I really liked The Split but let's face it that movie should have been 12 minutes long.  Three girls wake up in a locked room with a stranger.
Me, "Kill him"
Tom, "But he's really strong."
Me, "There's three of them. Kill him."
Tom, "They don't have any weapons."
Me, "There's a mirror in the bathroom and the toilet tank lid weighs a ton. Kill him."
Tom, "One of them might die."
Me, "They're already dead. Kill him"
Tom, "But they don't know what he's going to do with them."
Me, "Whatever it is, it's bad. Kill him."
Tom, "The door is locked."
Me, "Kill him and spend the next 90 minutes looking for the key."
But it is a good movie so go and see it and just ignore the fact that they should have killed him an hour ago.

Back to the Walking Dead.  I've now watched eight and 9/10th episodes, and Rick-the-crybaby and Co have run into another group of batshit-crazy people.  Side question, who at the Walking Dead offices decided that every single group over 10 have to be batshit-crazy? I want his name so I can egg his house. Sure the tiger is cool but really? So here I am, there's new batshit-crazy group, and I am sooooo close to my new spiky zombies. The show ends and they roll the previews for next time. Now I don't remember exactly what the previews consisted of but the head crazy lady said something like, "if you want to leave, you're going to have to do something for us." then we see a shot of what could only be described as a junkyard gladiator ring. Are you kidding me? I've waded through nine episodes of this shit for a zombie gladiator ring? Are you kidding me? No, mutant zombies. No, militarized zombies. Gladiators? AND, I have to keep watching to make sure it really is gladiators? God, I hate this fucking show.

The most accurate graph on the internet by someone whose name I don't know:

Happy Valentine's Day

For the man who has everything:

I can't decide which I like the most.

Syphilis:

or Herpes:

Simply Tastes

So I watched The Crown a while ago and am now enjoying Victoria. As much as I like both shows they  have, unfortunately, highlighted my life's stunning lack of crowns.  I've no real interest in the palaces, the servants, the gowns, the power or the titles but is it too much to ask for a few crowns?  Perhaps one for dining, one for evenings out and a simple, less ornate one for errands.  Oh, and a tiara for trips to the beach. Crowns are not appropriate for the beach but a nice tiara would do nicely. And meetings; definitely a meeting tiara.  Three crowns and two tiaras.  But I forgot about medical appoints. All that waiting in waiting rooms would be greatly improved with a tiara.  Three crowns and three tiaras.  Buuuut considering how upset I get these days if I spend more than 20 minutes on the internet, I could definitely use an internet tiara. Just to help me stay calm.  Three crowns and four tiaras.  Oh, you know what would really be helpful? A bad mood crown.  This would alert the rest of the household when I'm not feeling my best and they could adjust their behavior accordingly. That could eliminate or at least alleviate so much discord.  I definitely need a mood crown. Four crowns and four tiaras. Of course if we're addressing moods, we should throw in a whimsical tiara.  We should embrace the whimsical whenever possible.  Four crowns and five tiaras.  That should cover things.

This all falls in quite nicely with my New Year's resolution.  I decided for 2017 I would be more high maintenance.  I been noticing how some people are always high maintenance and how everyone else just seems to put up with it and that made me realize how easy John and the boys have had it so this year I'm going to be high maintenance. Nothing says high maintenance like crowns. Oh but look at me, I've included a mood crown and a whimsy tiara. Even when I'm being high maintenance, I'm still  making life easier for those around me.  Must be part of my dna.

This one, by the way, is my favorite, John.  Just in case you're looking for something to get me for Valentine's Day. Oh my god, there I go again with the helpfulness.  I just can't stop.

I would use this as my Whimsy Tiara