It's a Wonderful Time to be Alive

This is an emotional support duck.  He was on a flight recently with his owner who suffers from PTSD.  His name is, wait for it, Daniel Turducken Stinkerbutt.

I would pay extra to sit in his row.

I think I need to knit him another sweater.

It's Stephen Sondheim's Fault

Things got side tracked this weekend and suddenly everyone stopped talking about clowns.  Last week we were all about clowns.  The yahoo homepage ran an article called "Clown reports tying up Police Resources".  I got an email from the school district titled, " National Clown Social Media Hoax".  By Friday morning, there was an overabundance of evidence that clowns were seen on the walking trail behind the high school and a shooting threat had been made for the next Friday but some moms were keeping their kids home this Friday just to be safe. Facebook, instagram and emails were referenced, names were dropped, and Julie definitely saw them.  By 8:35 am, I was convinced that absolutely nothing had happened.  So I called my friend, Tina

Me, "The clowns are here. Well, not THE clowns but some clowns."
Tina, "THE clowns? There aren't THE clowns and other clowns. They're just clowns."
Me, "No, I mean the scary clowns....well, they're all scary...."
Tina, "I looked it up on the internet and every couple of years there's a flurry of clown related crimes."
Me, "Did you hear that sentence? I can't believe you just said that."
Tina, "I can't believe I told my kids not to talk to clowns."
Me, "Well, if you don't talk to your kids about clowns, who will? If a clown asks you to get into their tiny car, say no. I know it'll be tempting with all the squeaky noses and squirting flowers and sure one more can squeeze in. Just say No."
Tina, <talking about her youngest> "He's going to be The Joker for Halloween and now he's worried people will think he's a clown."
Me, "You could dress like Harley Quinn and explain that The Joker is not a clown. The Joker is a Joker, that's why his name is The Joker. Or you could throw playing cards at them."
Tina, "I don't think the Heath Ledger Joker had playing cards. Did he?"
Me, "He did. If you guys get arrested as a community threat, I'm totally coming up for your trial."
Tina, "I can't talk about this anymore. I've gotta go."

Then things got fucked up over the weekend in the real world and I missed the clowns but we seem to be getting back on track because a clown carrying a chainsaw was spotted at Burnel University in England. You can google it. It's terrifying and a complete hoax because who would stand there and record it on their phone, and this is why the aliens keep flying past instead of stopping but it did give me a really good idea.

Now I just need a tiny doggie chainsaw