Made the Mistake of Taking John to the Nursery

Homework

The boys have a math test tomorrow and John is out of town.

Why do we have to know the volume of a square pyramid?  So you can construct my burial chamber?

Composite figures??  Now you're just making stuff up...

Why is it....

cyclists can't just put on clothes and go for a ride?  Why do they have to put on ridiculous clothes and get together with 19 of their closest friends, like some kind of parade for anorexic clowns??

New York, New York

So we were in New York City over spring break, walking through Times Square, which is really fun the first time.  The first time it's lights, and excitement, and oh my god look over there!  After that it's just way too many fucking people between you and your hotel.  And there's scaffolding everywhere making the sidewalks even smaller, and guys trying to hand you things and, oh my god, are you really going to stop right there and have a conversation? Idiots! I turned into a true New Yorker in one day, grumbling and snarling at everyone.

Well, kinda.  Definitely not the day we were heading back to the hotel and there was this guy leaning against a store front smoking.  As we got just about even with him, he threw his cigarette across the sidewalk onto the grating.

John, "If we were back home, we'd have glared at him."
Me, "I know, but instead I'm just glad he didn't hit me with it."
John, "I know."
Me, "It was really close."
John, "Just keep walking."

Maybe we're built more for suburbia....

The Book Challenge Continues

"A Book That Scares You"

Didn't really know where to start with this one so I googled 'scariest books for 2014' and found "Horrorstor: A Novel" by Grady Hendrix.  I didn't find it scary but it was a very entertaining read.  It takes place in an IKEA ripoff store.  I tried to explain it to the boys when they asked why I was laughing, unfortunately they hadn't been in an IKEA store since they were 5 and you just can't appreciate it from the on-line photos.

Next, I googled 'scariest books of all time' and found "Hell House" by Richard Matheson.  It is considered the mother of all haunted house stories.  Unfortunately it was written in 1971 and the last 43 years have done a lot of desensitizing to the modern day horror fan.  It is definitely a classic but that category requires the book to be 100 years old.  I was bummed that my second Scary Book wasn't going to count for anything until I got to the final page and discover that the story ends on Christmas Eve.  Or Day.  I don't remember but regardless I was able to check off "A Book set during Christmas"

I don't really remember how I stumbled across book #3 but I'm sure it involved googling of some sort.  It was "The Troop" by Nick Cutter.  It wasn't entirely a 'scary' book but it was truly horrifying.  John and the boys could tell when I was reading it because of all the squirming and face scrunching.  I think I was covering my eyes at one point.  I'm sure I was quite the sight at the gym as well. Up on the elliptical, eyes half closed, reading with only my peripheral vision.

I was sitting on the couch today reading the climactic ending when Alice walked into the room.  She's rather small and her nails don't click-clack on the floor like Abbeys so I didn't notice her.  Not until she came over beside me and gave me a nose-boop on the leg.  I screamed.

Me, "AAAAAHHHHHHH'
Alice, <jumps, all four feet off the ground>
Me, "Alice, you scared the shit out of me!"
Alice, <farts>
You know how some dogs will pee on the floor when they are scared? She silently farts. Just a pfft and it hits you a few seconds later.
Me, "Oh my god, Alice!!"
Alice, <farts again>
Me, "Holy shit!!"

This challenge is killing me.